You are (still) the one thing I can’t outgrow
She knew the love was still there, staying still even after he breaks her. But she felt lost and couldn’t find a way to reach that love again, perhaps by loving she would invent another her — the least she expect to make an appearance.
She refused all the love he could offer, the happiness, the warmth, the thousand butterflies over the cheesy line, the kick feet under the blanket to disguise the pounding heart, the sweet good night before going to sleep — she refused all that again and again.
Looking back and after years gone by, she finally knew that there was no villain after all. Both she and he took a part in making the bruises. She hates her younger self, and couldn’t even believe how cruel and creepy she was to protect the thing that was already broken and hard to repair. Then now, she changed to the cold stone which she can’t even feel like herself ever again.
By admitting she’s still in love, she is afraid of what she would become and top of it would invent her again. In the end, she chose to keep and ignore all those feelings. Maybe all this time, she’s protecting her by choosing not to let him come in the first place. Maybe after a lot of time flew by, she still wishes both she and he can mend all the things that should’ve mend for a long time ago.
